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TITLE: The Hall of Love (and Death)
AUTHORS: Tabula Rasa and Harley Q.
DISCLAIMER: Not ours.  It's done for fun, not profit.
CATEGORY: Lime-scented freshness: HYxRP, QWxCB?, Humor (we hope!)
NOTES: Written for Starz Gundam Wing Fanfiction Challenge.  See the pics at:
PATHETIC TRITE PLEA: Yes, this is our first GW fic, let us know what you think, please!
The Year is AC 197.
Peacecraft Mansion
3 am
     "OMAE O KOROSU!!!!!!!!"
     Sally, Catherine, Hilde and Dorothy screamed--with laughter.  A few seconds later, Relena joined them on the floor, rolling hysterically.
     "Relena!  That was a *perfect* impression of Heero!" Sally gasped between bouts of laughter.
     "Who wants more wine?" Hilde shouted, heading out to the kitchen.
     "Is there any left?" Dorothy shouted after her.
     Relena waved a hand in dismissal.  "Oh, there's plenty.  Even more then we can drink.  At least in one night!"
     Hilde returned and began passing bottles around.  The girls had gotten together for their monthly reunion.  They had started at seven pm with dinner, went clubbing for a few hours, and had come back to Relena’s place for a nightcap an hour ago.  Their words were starting to slur together.
     "Oh!" Catherine cried.  "I can do a great impression of Trowa!" The girls quieted down in anticipation.  Catherine crossed her arms across her chest, tightened her mouth in a closed, straight line, and lowered her eyelids.  The girls waited.  She didn't say anything.
     "Oh!  I get it!" Sally shouted.  "That *is* Trowa!" Everyone in the room dissolved into giggles.
     "Good job!"
     "I'd do Wufei, but I'm afraid someone would get hurt!" Sally said.
     "I'd do Duo," Hilde added, "but I don't have the hair for it!"
     Relena sighed.  "I miss Heero."
     Four pillows were thrown at Relena.  "Help!" she shouted.
     "Get over him already!"
     "It's been a year!" Hilde said.
     "Only a year!" Relena protested.
     "You don't know if he's dead or alive" Dorothy pointed out.
     "Don't say that" Sally protested.  "He's Heero.  He's always alive."
     Relena sniffed.  "Thank you, Sally."
     Silence fell over the group for a few moments.  Hilde suddenly stood up, wobbling a bit back and forth.
     "You can do better then him, Relena!  You can even have Duo if you want!"
     Everyone laughed, and the tension broke.  "You could have matching braids!" Catherine shouted.  Hilde fell down as everyone laughed, starting off another round of uncontrollable giggling.
Winner Mansion in Arabia
     Quatre finished his cup of tea, and rose to turn off the classical music.  He was ready to go to bed.
     The ringing of the video phone interrupted him, however, and he ran over and turned it on.  The face of Rasid, a Magnac on L4, appeared.  "Master Quatre!  We have received a confirmed report of an unidentified shuttle heading towards Earth!  The ship is composed of gundamanium metal alloy!"
     "Heero" Quatre whispered.
     "Thank you.  Keep me updated.  I'll look into it." Quatre turned the videophone off and sat back to think for a moment.  The answer came to him quickly.  "Relena."
Peacecraft mansion
3:30 am
     "I could get any man I wanted!" Catherine asserted.  "I could get any of the Gundam pilots!  I just don't wanna, cause they'd kill me!"
     "My Quatre wouldn't kill you!" Dorothy insisted.
     "That's very true" Relena added solemnly, nodding her head up and down too many times in a heavy, jerking motion.
     "I dare you to try!" Hilde shouted.
     "Try what?" Catherine frowned, confused.
     "Try to get Quatre!" Hilde continued.
     "Mission accepted!" Catherine and Hilde shook hands.
     A few minutes later, Dorothy scowled and shouted "Hey!"
     Someone knocked on the front door.
     "I'll get it!" Hilde shouted, but she tripped over Sally's legs and fell face down on the carpet.
     "That's okay" Relena said as she sipped from her glass.  "The butler will get it."
     "Miss Peacecraft?" the butler said, a few moments later.  "Mr. Winner is here to see you."
     All the girls screamed, and Relena jumped to her feet.
     "I'm coming!" Catherine shouted.  "Wait for me!" She climbed with great difficulty to her feet and stumbled after Relena.
     Relena met Quatre in the hall.  "I'm glad you're here, Miss Relena" he said.  "I need to talk to you.  And Catherine?" he asked in surprise as she lurched into the hall.
     "I'm glad you're here, Cattie," she winked.
     Quatre stared at her in confusion for a moment.  "Uh...anyway, Relena, I received a transmission from--"
     "Can I get you something to drink, Mr. Cattie?" Catherine slurred.
     Quatre’s jaw dropped as he started first at Catherine, then at Relena, who only rolled her eyes.
     "Uh, no, thanks, Catherine, I'm fine.  Anyway, I received a transmission from L4--"
     "All work and no play makes Cattie a dull boy!" Catherine called in a sing-song voice.
     "I received a transmission from L4 colony about--" Quatre spoke in a rush, but wasn't fast enough.  Catherine grabbed on to his arm, and began dragging him away.
     "There's a shuttle headed towards Earth!" Quatre shouted as he was pulled down the hall.  "It's made from gundamanium alloy!  I think it's Heero!"
     Catherine pinned Quatre up against the kitchen door.  "Shhh," she whispered, holding a finger to his lips.  "Now don't say anything, my sweet sheik.  But you've always been my favorite pilot, I've always liked you the best."
     "What about--"
     "Now, hush!  Ooh, my precious, darling Cattie!  You're so *pretty*!  I love how you play the flute!  Now, give me a kiss!"
     The kitchen door flew open, and Dorothy shrieked "What do you think you're doing!" But the door had smacked Quatre in the head, causing his head to fall forward and hit Catherine's forehead.  Dazed, they ended up on the floor, Quatre landing on Catherine.  They both moaned.
     Dorothy was screaming in the background, and as a woozy Quatre looked up, he noticed Relena fainting in the hallway.
     He tried to disentangle himself to catch her, but Catherine seemed to be holding on, and he had barely fought his way to his knees when Relena hit the ground with a loud THUD.
     Sally and Hilde ran out into the hall when they heard all the commotion.  They started to run to Relena, but tripped over Quatre and Catherine, hitting the ground hard.  Sally reached out as she started to fall and latched onto Dorothy"s shirt, pulling her down, too.
     A shadowy figure approached the Peacecraft mansion.  When his knock went unanswered, he grew impatient and nervous and kicked down the door.  He ran up the stairs, and screeched to a halt when he reached the hallway.  He was shocked by the level of carnage displayed.
     "Relena!  No!" the figure fell to his knees by the first body, tenderly pulling the girl into his arms.  He pulled the body closer, tucking her head into his neck.  "Oh, Relena..." he felt tears gathering in his eyes.  What would he do now, without a reason to live?
     At that moment, she groaned and he felt her moving.  Shocked, he dropped her.
     "Ow!" she complained, slowly sitting up.  They stared at each other in open mouth shock for a few moments.
     He raised his hand to her face, grazing her cheek lightly with his fingertips.  "I thought you were dead."
     "Were you crying?" she asked, amazed, reaching out to his cheek.
     "No" he said quickly, pulling away from her hand.  "What happened in here?"
     "What? Oh!  Oh my God!  I have no idea!" She stared at the piles of bodies in the hall.  "Quatre came to tell me your shuttle had been sighted, and everyone else was already here."
     They heard a moan from some where down the hall.  "Hello?" Relena called, as Heero helped her to her feet.
     "It's Quatre!" Relena gasped.  They ran down the hall.  Quatre was flopping his free hand back and forth.  He was under Dorothy and laying across Catherine.  Heero looked at Relena and raised an eyebrow.
     "Don't look at me" Relena protested. "I don't know what they were doing any more then you do."
     "It's a long story" Quatre said.  "Help me out of this!"
     Heero rolled Dorothy off Quatre on to the floor, using his foot.  "Heero!" Relena scolded softly.  He grunted.
     Quatre slowly, painfully crawled to his feet.  "Ow" he groaned.  "I think I have a concussion.
     "Heero!" he continued, smiling.  "It's so good to see you again!"
     "When did you get here?"
     "That's not important."
     "What are we going to do with everyone else?" Relena gestured at the crowded hallway.
     Heero looked at her blankly.  "What do you mean?"
     "We can't just leave them here!" Relena protested.
     "Why not?" Heero asked.
     Relena sighed.  "Come on, Quatre."
     "All right," he said, "but I'm staying away from Dorothy and Catherine!"
     Heero raised his eyebrow, and Relena smiled.
The Next Morning
     Hilde groaned as she opened her eyes and the bright sunlight assaulted them.  Confused, she looked around at the unfamiliar bedroom.  Slowly, she began remembering last night's events.  She stumbled out of bed and started down the hall.
     "Hilde?" She turned around to find Sally coming up behind her.
     "Good morning" Hilde smiled.  Sally laughed softly.  "You don’t look so good."
     "Thanks a lot" Hilde retorted.  "I look about the same as you."
     "Every month, I tell myself I'm not going to drink so much next time--but this is the worst yet!  It feels like I got run over by a Gundam!"
     They walked down the stairs, and headed toward the living room when they heard the tv on.  Hilde froze in the doorway when she realized what was going on before her.  "What?" Sally questioned, and pushed around her, only to come to halt as well.
     "What’s going on?" Sally said.  Heero and Relena turned around, looking over the back of the couch they had been sitting on together.
     "Good morning" Relena smiled pleasantly.
     "How long have we been asleep!?" Hilde gasped.
     Heero, uninterested, turned back around to face the tv again.
     Relena laughed softly.  "Just a few hours!  But a lot can happen in a few hours!"
     "Apparently" Sally muttered.  "Come on, Hilde, let's go into the kitchen, give them some time alone." Relena blushed and Heero scowled.
     Quatre slowly walked down the stairs and was met by Hilde and Sally.
     "Good morning," Quatre said, rubbing his head. "Where is everyone?"
     "We don't know about Dorothy or Catherine, but Heero and Relena are in the living room." Sally answered.  "Did you hear me?  I said *Heero* is in there!"
     "Yeah, I know" Quatre shrugged.  "I was awake last night, unlike some of you."
     "Hey! Do you know if there's anything going on between those two?" Hilde asked with a sly smile on her face.
     "Not that I know of.  Why?" Quatre looked at Hilde blankly. But before she could answer a groan came from the hallway. Dorothy looked up to see Quatre and ran to him.
     "Oh, my sweet Quatre, did she hurt you? I'll kill that witch!!!" She ran her fingers through his hair and hugged him tightly. A confused Quatre pulled Dorothy away and looked at her a while before answering.
     "I'm fine. What are you talking about? Who is 'she?'" Just then Catherine walked in the kitchen. She looked up to meet the Dorothy version of the Death Glare.
     "*That*" Dorothy hissed, not taking her eyes off Catherine, "is 'she.'  Don't you remember last night?"
     "I...thought I did" Quatre mumbled, thoroughly confused.  "What happened?" He was hesitant to ask the question.
     Dorothy was seething.  "You," she said to Quatre, "were making out in the hallway with *her*!"
     Quatre jaw dropped.  "I was what?"
     Catherine looked very uncomfortable.  "Um..." she began to back out of the kitchen.  "It was a dare?"
     "Omae o korosu!" Dorothy screamed and rushed Catherine.  Sally jumped after Dorothy, trying to restrain her.  Quatre and Hilde threw themselves between the combatants.  A few seconds later, Heero burst into the room, holding a gun, looking for someone to shoot.
     "What's going on in here?" he demanded.
     "Heero!" Relena shouted, coming through the door a few seconds later.
     "Relena!" Quatre shouted.  "Do something!"
     "Okay," Relena shouted over the noise.  "Now, everyone just freeze!  Or, or...Heero will shoot you!" Heero raised his eyebrow, but he certainly wasn't going to deny it.  He thought a shooting would do all of them some good.
     Unfortunately, everyone took this threat seriously, freezing and shutting up.
     "All right," Relena began.  "Everyone take a seat, and we'll try and work out what's going on."
     "You remember--last night, Hilde dared me to try and get Quatre."
     "What!?" Quatre squeaked.
     Catherine sighed.  "Well, Relena was missing Heero-" Relena blushed, and Heero suddenly found the floor fascinating.  "So everyone said she could have their Gundam Pilot instead!" The floor lost its fascination and Heero sent the Death Glare around.  "So, I dunno, for some reason I said that I could get any man I wanted, too.  And Hilde dared me to get Quatre.  Then Quatre showed up, so..."
     "You made out with him!" Dorothy accused.
     Relena held up her hand.  "Now, now."
     "I did not" Catherine was bright red.  "I didn't even kiss him!  You opened the door, and started screaming, and that's the last thing I remember before waking up this morning!"
     "Okay" said Relena.  "Now, Dorothy's turn."
     She tossed her hair over her shoulder.  "Fine.  Well, for some reason, Hilde," she glared, "dared Catherine to come after Quatre.  Catherine chased Relena out into the hall when Quatre showed up last night.  I went into the kitchen to put my glass in the sink.  I heard Catherine and Quatre on the other side of the door, so I opened it.  When I opened the door, they were both on the ground." She sniffed.  "Quatre sounded like he was in pain."
     "Quatre?" Relena asked.
     "Um...I remember coming here, trying to tell you about Heero.  And..." he squinted in concentration.  "I remember going down the hall with Catherine.  But that's it." He shrugged and looked sorry.  "But there's a bump on my head."
     "Great" Sally sighed.  "He has amnesia."
     "So, really," Relena said thoughtfully, "this is all Hilde's fault."
     "Hey!" she jumped to her feet in protest.  "I never thought she'd do it, honestly!"  She looked at Dorothy desperately.  "I'm sorry.  I thought she would forget all about it before she saw him again."
     Dorothy sighed.  "Okay, I forgive you Hilde."
     "And..?" Relena prompted.
     Dorothy pouted and crossed her arms.
     "I'm sorry too, Dorothy.  Oh, and Quatre." Catherine looked down, blushing.  "I shouldn't have done that, I don't know what got into me!  And it won't ever happen again, I promise."
     "Fine" Dorothy grumbled.  "You're forgiven too, Catherine."
     Everyone let out a sigh of relief.  Sally stood up.  "Glad that's over with.  I must say, an evening with all of you is never dull!  Still," she glanced at her watch.  "I'm already late.  And I have to answer to Wufei and the Preventers."
     "Good" Heero finally holstered his weapon.  "I want all of you gone."
     Eyebrows raised.  "Ooh, Heero, so this is your house already, huh?"
     "There some reason you're in a hurry, Heero?"
     "Something you been meaning to tell us, Relena?"
     "Who made you King of the World?  Or is it just the Cinq Kingdom?"
     Relena turned red with embarrassment and suppressed laughter, Heero turned red with anger.  He pulled out his gun again, and everyone fled the room.
     As everyone else was in the living room, helping Relena clean up some of the mess, Quatre and     Catherine ran into each other in the hall.
     "Sorry-" they spoke at the same time, then blushed and looked down, unable to meet the other's eye.
     "About last night-" Catherine began.
     "Forget it" Quatre said quickly.  They hesitated for a moment more, then managed to pass each other in the hall.
     "Oh, and Quatre?" Catherine questioned softly.
     "Y-yes?" he turned to look at her.
     She smiled and stepped forward.  She cupped his face in her hands, then bent and gently kissed him on the mouth.  "Come by and see me sometime." Catherine quickly turned and went back into the living room.  Quatre, stunned, could only gape after her.  Eventually, a soft smile spread across his bemused face.